181022

I have always viewed other people as puzzles to solve. I piece together fragments of information, I learn what makes them tick. I learn what they like and don't like. I learn how they like to be talked to and i study them like an experiment. I have always loved puzzles, I love the challenge, i love the satisfaction. I can solve as many people as i want to, but I am the one person who remains unsolved. I am a puzzle i cannot solve. The pieces are ever changing, they never fit together. It is a cruel play by God. I am suffering for His entertainment.
I want to leave something behind. I need a legacy, I need a purpose. I need something to keep me going. I need something to tie these jigsaw puzzles down.
What am i without irony? WIthout this outer translucent shell, I am nothing. I am a body without organs. I am a trick of the light.

191022

Today has been an angry day. I am smashing my skull into a million pieces. There is nothing here. Why are you reading? Please help me. Please talk to me. I just want someone to notice, someone to care. I just want to be important.

what has 13 hearts and no other organs?

a deck of cards.

what wears a mask without a face underneath it?

a fool who writes on a stupid blog for attention

The sock puppet is glued to my hand.
I just want to be important.

11122 if i ever killed myself I would go out with a *BANG*! I mean what would be the point if i didnt? I think it's stupid when people go out silently.If you know you're going to die soon then there are no consequences to your actions. Go wild, do whatever, it wont matter because you'll be dea.d I want to make a mark. I want people to remember me.

101122

Und der Haifisch der hat Tränen
Und die laufen vom Gesicht
Doch der Haifisch lebt im Wasser
So die Tränen sieht man nicht

Be mine, sister salvation
Juke joint Jezebel is coming for my cremation
Be mine, sister salvation
Closer now, see the revelation
If I could leave my burning skin
That has been been used up in your sin
Is there a tiny part of me
Untouched, unsoiled by misery?

wie gehts. I really need to organize this page. But also I think the schizo-ness of it has a certain charm. Fuck my stomach hurts. I've been feeling sick all day, WEll not sick0sick, more just dizzy sick. Also I'm really dehydrated. Gaawwwdddd.. school term is almost over.


20/1/22
hi. its a new year. i havent updated this in so long. i think my suffering is biblical. can you stick your index and middle finger in my stigmata holes to test it out? thanks. oh, my blood got on you? sorry. i think you were sent down from the heavens for me i think you were made for me to love man i cant find you can you txt me where you are? its really dafrk outside and i cant seem to find anything i think im walking around in circles. this numebr is not in service oh.. okay. i think im erally cringey and its all YOUR FAULT!
25/07/24
its been more than two years and im back here . im 17 years old. i dont know what i want. everything in my life is crashing down and caving in and i feel so suffocated. please help me.